A New Day

I made pumpkin bread yesterday. Dale and I put up the Christmas lights. I am finally starting to get in the holiday mood. I am looking forward to the boys being home next week and baking with them. Smiling now imagining Drake using the rolling pin. Nicki told me last night that he is looking forward to baking and using the rolling pin. I will take pics. I am the pic taker in the family.

Emotions change fast. From happy to sad. Thinking about baking brought memories of holidays past back. Holidays spent with my sisters and brothers and their families, mom and my stepdad, and my mother and father in law. Those were the holidays where the tradition was, I would cook most of the dinner, they would bring whatever they wanted to and they would bring their own drinks. Nothing alocholic. My mom and Dales parents are gone now. The holiday tradition is gone. I think family and traditions is a good thing. So, a few years ago a new family tradition was started. I found out that Drake liked to bake and cook and Josh likes to bake from time to time. So we started baking together for the holidays and this coming week we are going to be baking some cookies, a pie, making a cake and cheese cake, and making a pumpkin roll. Shhhh dont tell any one but you dont need a rolling pin for any of those things. So not to disappoint Drake, I am going to make biscuits and let him us the rolling pin to roll out the dough and let him cut them out. It wont matter what they look like because I/we will just crumble them up to make crumbs to use for stuffing.

I have been up a half hour and need to go start my day. I have checked my sugar level and it is 87. I need to go eat breakfast before it gets to much lower and take my meds. I hope this new day will bring you lots of peace love and happiness in your own little piece of the world. So until next time be well.

What If?

What If ?

What if nothing was what it seemed? What if every one around you seemed happy and in good spirits but you know how they really feel cause youre the strong one that people, family and friends always lean on vent to?

What if you need to vent and all your family and friends who promise to be there for you when you need them arent there or they are having a bad day? Who do you vent to then? What do you do then?

What if love isnt enough? How do you handle tough situations that make you sad and make you cry more than normal. When love isnt enough do you stay with the person you love and try to work it out, talk about
what is bothering you or do you just walk away after being together for years?

Do you punish yourself with the WHAT IF'S? What if I had said this, done that differently. If only I had been more supportive, what if.........

I am a stong person, I have always been there for family and friends, but I learned that I cant always be the things people want me to. So, what if, I am not there and you need me? Thats the time you dig down deep inside you and find your inner strength and go on without me. I am not always going to be around.
You have the strength to do more things than you think you do. Dont ever let any one tell you that you cant do something. Thats how things dont get done. I know you can do whatever you set your mind to doing.
Mom always said "Cant never can do any thing and your name isnt Can't so get off your butt and do what ever needs to be done."

I can be here for you but I cant be the only person here for you. You have to want to help yourself. Want to do whatever it takes to resolve any given situation you find yourself in. You have to want to be the one doing
whatever it takes to move on, to make your life better. You are the only one who can make you truly happy.
You are the one person who knows you best and what you can do and dont need. You are the person who can change yourself for all the right reasons.

We need to slow down and learn to take one day at a time. To look on the bright side. There is people out there who love us just the way we are and care about us. We need to take/make time to enjoy the things around
us. Spend time with family and friends, just being yourself, doing silly things, laughing having a good time.
Its my world, my life, its what I make it be.

I choose to be me, if you cant love me for the person that I am and not for what I can or cant give you material wise, then I choose not to have you complicating my life. My choice. I dont need to have a reason why I do things the way I do. Its part of me and if you know me then you would most likely know why I do things the way I do.

People think they know me, but they really dont. I am the kind of person who keeps a lot of things bottled up. I dont say much about any thing until it gets to the point where I cant take it any longer. Then I will blast you with how I feel about things. Tell you the way I see it and if you dont like it then this is my attitude about it tough deal with it and move on.

So what if things arent right in your little piece of the world? What are you going to do to make them right?
May your little piece of the world be filled with love, peace, laughter and the sun shining down on you.
Take care of yourself until next time.

Just Rambling

Here is the place where I ramble on and on and dont care what people think about my rambling. It's my blog and I can say what I want to. I am not forcing any one to read it. Its all about the way I feel. If you dont want to know or you think it may hurt your feelings then dont read it. It wont hurt my feelings any if no one reads it. Its just a way of expressing what I am thinking and feeling at the time I am journaling my thoughts here.

I know what kind of person I am. I am a strong person, who for the most part dont let people run over me. I tell them what I think about any given situation and if they dont like the way I feel about things then its their problem and they have to find a way to handle it on their own.

Today is a dark and gloomy day. Kinda like I feel. Didnt sleep good last night. Was hot then cold then hot. Woke up every little bit. Finally got up at 4am and went on face book for a while. Went back to bed and slept until 8:30. Got up and now I am here. Still sleepy. The tv is on for background noise. Not sure what all I am going to do today but will probably nap at some point.

Feeling down because of the holidays. Missing the boys. Just lots of little things adding up to make me feel blah the last few days. Its so dark in the house today that you need the lights on to see. I dont like it since we had to set the clocks back an hour. Its full dark about 5:30 pm now and makes it feel like it should be bed time. I for the most part go to bed around 12-1 or so. Have been waking up every hour on the hour.

Do I ever feel sorry for myself? Sure do. But I dont let it drag me down. Dont let it bother me to the point where I feel worthless and that I cant do any thing for myself. I know I can do things if I want to do them. I go where I want to when I want to. I know I have family and friends who love me for me. I know that not every one loves me and that dont bother me. I dont love every one either. I dont hate them either. I just dont like their actions. I was taught that hating some one is wrong. I was taught lots of things that I still believe in today and taught my daughter. Some of the things I was taught, I have not believed in for a long time. Will I change my mind about the way I think about them? I might and I might not but thats my choice to make. If I could go back and change my past, would I? I dont think so. Why? Because it is the past that shaped the parts of me that makes me the person I am today. For the most part I am happy with the way my life turned out.

Until next time I hope all is well in your own little piece of the world. Take care and enjoy your me time.

Just Some Thoughts

I really dont know where to begin. A lot has happened since I have posted here last. Some good, some not so good and some bad.

I have been depressed and crying alot lately. Why, I dont know and I am not sure I even care to find out why.....

Some things that were supposed to happen didnt. Some did and didnt work out the way some wanted them to. The holidays are upon us soon and I am just not in the holiday mood. I will be baking the turkey and making the dinner for Thanksgiving. I think it will probably just be Dale, Nicki and the boys and I this year. Since Mom passed away we havent dont the big family holidays. I sure do miss them. But hey, thats life, things change. Not always for the good. But not always bad either. I know I am not making a whole lot of sense, but I dont really have to since this is my blog and I know what I mean. No one is forcing you to read this or try to understand what I am talking about. I feel as long as I know what I am talking about thats all that matters. If your a close friend then you more than likely know what I am not saying here. If youre family reading this and dont know what I am talking about then you dont need to know. If family was close as they like to make people think they are, then they would know what is going on with me and whats not being said here!!

Drake is wrestling for Calhoun Red Devils this year. His first wrestling match is Nov. 19th. I hope I get to go. Its in Parkersburgh.

I hope the upcoming year will be much better than this one has been. I will try to post here more but not making any promises, to any one about any thing.

I hope all is right in your own little piece of the world. Until next time be well and safe. God Bless and keep you.